Growth Mindset Theory
Before my first child was born in London I became curious about brain development in children. After reading countless parenting books on learning techniques for babies and toddlers I learned that children learn through play, listening to music and being read and sung to. By instinct, “You are my sunshine” and “Mary had a little lamb” were sung to them from day one. Essentially early childhood brains rapidly create new synpases and neurons through exposure to the arts. Several neurologists convincingly wrote that children neurologically benefit by having no exposure to TV before thte age of 24 month’s, hence my first child didn’t watch TV until she turned 2 year’s old after which I turned on Disney’s Mickey Mouse and observed her reaction. She was mesmerized and “Goofy” became her best friend.
Stamford Professor, Dr. Carol Dweck’s research on growth mindset and the neuroscience behind it nudged me to purchase music, books and flashcards written in French and piano lessons started at age four. Dr. Dweck’s research is fundamentally about the power of belief—specifically, the belief that abilities and intelligence are not fixed traits rather they’re malleable qualities that can be cultivated over time.
Here are the central pillars that support this framework:
Neuroplaciticity and the Biological Framework - At its core, growth mindset is backed by the neuroscience of learning. The brain is not a static organ; it is highly plastic. Phew! When you engage in challenging tasks, neurons form new connections and existing pathways are strengthened. Viewing intelligence as a "muscle" that grows with effort rather than a fixed "talent" you are born with is the prerequisite for all other pillars of having a growth mindset.
The Power of “YET” - This is arguably the most recognizable tool in Dweck's framework. Adding the word "yet" to the end of a statement changes the perspective from a definitive conclusion ("I am not good at this") to a process in motion ("I am not good at this yet"). It transforms a hurdle into a temporary state, removing the shame often associated with struggle. Embrace that you may not be where you want to be “yet” and that’s not only ok, it’s an imperative to the process of growth.
Valuing Process over Outcome - A growth mindset shifts the focus from the end result (e.g., getting an 'A' or closing a deal) to the process of getting there. This means praising:
Strategic thinking: The methods used to create a strategic plan.
Focus: The sustained attention applied to a task even during times of tumultuous emotional upheaval.
Perseverance: The ability to push through when things get difficult builds inner resilience.
When you prioritize the how over the what, you foster resilience because the value lies in the effort, which you can control, rather than the talent, which can feel elusive.
4. Reframing Failure as Data - In a fixed mindset, failure is an indictment of your intelligence—it means you weren't smart enough. In a growth mindset, failure is treated as crucial feedback. It acts as an indicator that the current strategy isn't working and that a different approach or more effort is required. It is not the end of the journey, but a necessary pivot point for learning and growth. Divorce can be seen as a failure and at the same time the data can be used to level up one’s thinking needed to become your best self. This data is particularly helpful when navigting co-parenting. Doing what is in the best interest of the children should always remain at the forefront of uncoupling.
Acquiring a growth mindset can help you move forward in your thinking and planning as you navigate divorce. Little steps turn into big results over time and filling the bucket a little each day will eventually lead you to more clarity.